I've Decided To Run Away

…Well, sort of.

In my last post, I talked a little bit about my constantly searching, insatiable soul—now I am going to PONTIFICATE on it (I hope I’m kidding)!

Now that my first race has come and past, I’m feeling a little empty…particularly at the gym. I don’t have a goal to chase or a deadline to meet, which means my workouts no longer have that same sense of unwavering direction and focus. I head to the gym, and for the first time in months, I have options. I guess that could be a good thing for most people, but for me, options attract far too much potential for undertraining. Unless I have a goal in mind, I tend to sell myself short on my workouts and, frankly, give into my fatigue, frustration, and more often than not, my boredom much quicker.

Right now, it feels rather unsatisfying to walk into the gym and not really have a sense of needing to get stuff done. I’m bored, so I putz around for a while, undedicated to my card, and end the workout feeling oddly frustrated with myself.

…I’m starting to think I’m a little hard to please.

Nevertheless, itchy feet must keep on the move. And so I’ve decided on a new goal. But first, let’s get a little back story (it’s more dramatic this way):

Since I was a wee little whale, flailing around on solid ground, I have had what you could call a “bad relationship” with running. As you know, I was a bigger kid growing up. I also happened to be a bigger kid involved in a lot of sports teams. And do you know what you do on teams? YOU RUN FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYTHING! You run for the play of the game, you run for conditioning, and—more often than not—you run because we girls were simply too chatty during practice, and if we had air to talk, it meant we must have air to run.

The problem was, due to my…errrr…husky….build, I was not a fast runner. I struggled through warm-up laps and suffered during sprints. I was very predictably the last kid to cross the finish line in any group run. Subsequently, two things happened. The first is that I very much grew to envy those spry, nimble little pre-pubescent gazelles. The second is that I started to absolutely hate running.

Everything about it reeked of limitations. Finishing last reminded me of my own inadequacy. Seeing the lean, fast kids reminded me of my undesirable body composition and how it affected my performance.  Feeling the burn in my lungs reminded me not to push past the discomfort.  There was no release in it, only punishment.

So I decided on logic. On efficiency. I decided to cut my losses. After all, if I can’t excel at something, why do it? I could be better at other things, if not running. I could understand the sport so well that I didn’t need to be fast because I could predict the play and get where I needed to go earlier than most! I could be such a great teammate that the other kids wouldn’t notice or make fun of me for being slow! And so, running became something to avoid, and if that wasn’t possible, it was something to suffer through.

Of course, at the time, I didn’t realize that this attempt at self-preservation actually ended up being a free subscription to years of self-limitation.

I know. I’ve got issues.

So, I’ve decided on therapy. On facing my fears, my self-imposed limits. On accepting who I am, both past and present. On pushing myself to be better. After all, what better way to make peace than to learn to love your enemy?

And so, I’ve decided to learn to run.

I don’t have a set distance or time in mind. This one is more for the journey than the finish line, and frankly, I just want to learn not to hate running so damn much! After consulting with some seasoned runners and doing some research on my own, I’ve selected a running plan that’s geared toward the individual’s goal, rather than a set distance. It’s a four week plan that utilizes intervals to develop endurance. If you are interested in the full details, you can check them out HERE, but this is the overall layout for week 1:

• Running Plan: 3 minute warm up; Run 2 min, walk 2 min; Repeat 7 times (28 minutes total); 3 minute cool down.
• Frequency: 3-4 times per week 
• Off-days:Focus on strength card (I’ll be getting a new one this Friday, which should help ward off any boredom on those days) 

Needless to say, this will prove to be a big challenge for me, both mentally and physically. I don’t think I’ve ever run one mile without stopping to beg for mercy catch my breath before, just to give you a frame of reference. I am really looking forward to charting my progress over the next few weeks—I really don’t know what to expect, how I’ll feel, or if I’ll fall madly in love (I hope I do). Regardless, at least I will be able to say I tackled some of my demons. And I am hoping that will be good enough for me.

Onward!

My First Race

I had my first race ever two weekends ago.  In short, it was pretty legit.

Now here’s the long version.

Pre-Race (1 week prior to night before event):

I have this horrible/terrific quality of pessimism that has proven pervasive throughout my shenanigans. While my anticipation of low performance may serve as a self-limiting, self-fulfilling prophecy, I like to think of it as an insurance policy. If you get what you expected, no surprise there. At least you were prepared. And if you plan for the worst, and make it out better than you expected—even if only marginally—it’s still more than you expected! It’s a win-win! At least…that’s my logic and I’m sticking to it!

That being said, I was very nervous in the week leading up to the race. As I had nothing to compare this experience to, I had nothing to base a goal on. That was making me pretty uncomfortable, as I am a goal-oriented, goal-motivated kind of gal. So, I decided to set my sights on something reasonable: don’t suck. Meaning, if I could just complete my leg, that would be good enough for me. Oh, and I wanted to completely crush itto not be the last person in. Pessimism aside, more than anything, I was very nervous to let my teammate, the IRONWOMAN (for real, she raced in the Ironman), down. Her second event was contingent on mine, and did not want to hold her up or jeopardize her legs of the race. Though we had talked about how this race was just for fun and a good way to break into the sport several times prior to race day, I was still very nervous and anxious to perform.

Of course, a perfect solution to nerves is to eat your feelings! The night before the big day, I decided that a perfect last supper preparatory meal would be the super-spicy steak enchiladas with chili rice from the Mexican restaurant down the street. So, I ate my face off and loved every second of it.

Until 5am.

When all hell broke loose.

My body’s natural response to stress is what I call the “void all non-essentials” response. Consequently, we all can infer how this dietary decision turned out. Do not ask me why I am so stupid. I paid for it in spades.

Race Day:

Thanks to nerves and chili spices, I got virtually no sleep going into the race—probably around 3 hours of restless zzz’s. With my intestinal predicament, exhaustion, and the deluge of rain I awoke to at the ungodly hour the alarm went off, I was convinced that the perfect storm for a racing disaster had just taken center stage.

Luckily, I rallied. And so did the weather. By the time my entourage (sister and le boyfriend) and I arrived at the racing site, my stomach had stopped screaming, and the rain had let up. So I started to think this was do-able.

Until I saw the competition. I’m not kidding you when I say that nearly everyone had a road racing bike, a tri-suit, and calves (and hair) the caliber of a Roman god. It was around this time that I lowered my goal from “don’t be the last one in” to “just try to act cool.”

And so we registered and got my bike into transition. With our powers combined, my teammate, Tami, and I decided to dub ourselves “Team Whale, Whale, Whale, What Do We Have Here?” You see, my friend is nearing her 6^thmonth of pregnancy—and given our sick senses of humor and food baby/real baby situations—we thought it was appropriate. And hysterical.

Team Whale, Whale, Whale, What Do We Have Here? (Pre-Race)

While we waited for the start, Tami and I learned some equally horrifying enlightening information. First, the running leg of the race was 1 mile uphill, 1 mile down. That was not on the course description.  Gulp. Second, and I quote: “For the bike course, everyone knows the route already, right? There will be minimal staff out to direct you.” Mind you, this is a 10-mile course in a town in which I had never before set foot. At this point, my goal changed again to let’s just try to find this parking lot again before the end of the day.

Before we knew it, the air horn gave a short toot, and off went Tami. Given the first part of the course was uphill, I thought I would have at least 15 minutes before I saw my teammate again. That would, after all, be a 7.5 minute mile. Wrong! That lady was back just over 14 minutes later! When she rounded the corner to come up the driveway into transition, I still had food in my mouth and was chatting it up with my family and her husband! A couple expletives and quick strides later, she met me in transition, and I was on my bike and off. She was the first female back, so I was the first female out. No pressure…

The ride was all kind of a blur. I guess I kind of black out when I need to focus. But here’s what I remember thinking:

Mile 0-1: Oh god, I’m the first female out. Don’t blow this lead! What’s this? Two seemingly endless hills right out of the gate? Thanks, a-holes!!! Oh, a downhill! I am pacified!

Miles 2-5: Feeling strong. Still have yet to be passed by another female. TOTALLY OWNING THIS SUCKER!!! 10 miles is nothing!!!

Mile 6, after being passed by two ladies on fancy road bikes, going at least 20mph: Meh, all is not lost…plus, look how fancy they are. They are in a league of their own, and hey, maybe I can pass them later.

Mile 7, passed by another female: Good Christ, this bike is getting heavy. But it’s okay, I have saved so much money by borrowing this bike. Look at how thrifty I am!

Mile 7.5, passed by one more female: WHY ARE YOU SO FAT, TIRES?!?!? GO ON A DIET, TIRES! NO WONDER YOU WERE FREE—YOU ARE LIKE OLD ASS ELEPHANTS STUCK IN TAR, YOU FATTIES!

Mile 8-9, at least 5 total climbs have occurred so far: I am getting kicked in the soul. I am getting kicked in the soul.

Mile 9-10, final climb leading to giant downhill to the finish. Cars are blocking the final turn into the finish line: You have GOT to be kidding me. I have NO SOUL left, people! Can’t I at least get the last ¼ mile for free??? Oh, no? Okay. Brakes it is.

39 minutes and 40 seconds after leaving transition, I crossed the finish line for my leg of the race—a little pissed about that last turn, and a lot tired. And guess what?! I was NOT the last bike in!!! In fact, I was the 5^th female in, and the first bike that was not a road racer/super expensive speed demon!

Once my bike got back into transition, Tami went off for her second—and our final—leg of the race: another 1 mile uphill, and 1 mile down. And would you believe, at almost six months preggers and after 40 minutes of downtime, this lady beat her first split? She’s seriously an alien sent here to make us mortals feel our place in the universe…

Overall, we took the 3^rd place finish for the women! Not too shabby!  And we were treated to some super sweet signs from our pep squads!

Le Boyfriend speaking to his Whale

How accurate!

Sister's encouraging words.

I like her super-accurate replication of a bike.

Post-Race Team shot!

Overall thoughts on the experience:

This race was a really great introduction to multi-sport racing. I am pretty satisfied with my performance and my overall time. That being said, I definitely wish I had trained outdoors more, rather than spending so much time inside on a spinning bike. I was really surprised by how much energy I chewed through due to the ebb and flow of the road and the subsequent need to stabilize the bike.  It also became apparent that I need to learn to stand up to climb hills. This is slightly embarrassing, but I actually taught myself how to ride a bike when I was 11 years old, so I stuck to Biking 101 (aka: how to not fall over). Standing climbs must have been a “masters” lesson that I missed out on.  I spent a lot of time this race losing cadence and power because I could not keep my pace during a climb. I downshifted a lot in order to make it up a hill in a seated position. I think if I could learn to stand and ride, my efficiency might improve, as would my time.

Also, as one of those constantly searching, insatiable souls, I would be curious to see how my performance and time would change if I had the same equipment as the other racers. Where’s the equality, people?!?! Kidding. Though I was really envious of those nicer bikes, with thin tires, aero-bars, and trigger shifting! BUT, I think coming in in under 40 minutes on a 10-mile course using a hybrid bike is pretty okay for my first time.

Though I was nervous and unsure of what to expect, I very much enjoyed the friendliness of all the participating athletes and all of the support I received from my friends and family along the way. I had a lot of people cheering for me—both on the road and on the sidelines—and it made the entire experience seem less scary and more possible! So thank you, my peoples! This was a great way to cut my teeth, and I am obviously already thinking of ways to improve for next time!

Now, who wants to donate an elite road bike to this budding Olympian???

Until next time, pedal on!

Tired Whale with my motivational shirt!

Pre-Game Jitters

It’s the night before Saturday…which mean, “IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!” to most of you—lucky ducks. To me, this means race day is upon us. Tomorrow, to be exact. How did it come to this so quickly?! Is it still a viable option to hop on a train to NYC, never to be heard of again?! Is it too late to get a pinch hitter biker?

As my first competitive sporting event since high school, I’m having a few concerns, and a ton of feelings (uh, feelings). While some are serious and some are more recreational thoughts to keep myself busy, here are some of the things I’m batting around in this scrambled, nervous brain of mine as Saturday looms in the wings:

1.       Crazy body happenings:

• NERVES!!!! I’ve been nervous since Monday! And when I get nervous, I tend to get pessimistic. It’s more of a survival tactic—if I have lower expectations, maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised if I beat my own benchmarks for success? I don’t react well to nerves. It feels so passive. I don’t like feeling out of control, and usually, the reason a person gets nervous in the first place is because something lies outside of their control. Uncontrollable AND annoying?! Le sigh.

• Is it normal for my body to be voiding anything I attempt to put in it this far out from the race? Are there bathrooms readily available in the tundra of CT.

• What should I eat as my last mealpre-race fuel up? Per usual, I’m operating in a food-centric universe. Hunger Lions unite.

2.       Bike and gear:

• Thank the high heavens that my bike got back to me in time! When I dropped it off at a shop for a tune-up on Monday, they told me it would take 8-10 DAYS!!!! Say what?!?! Luckily, I got it back Thursday night, and it’s clean as a whistle and ready to rock and roll.

• Where can I get one of those super sleek helmets this late in the game? I wannnnnt! They make you look like a crazy alien, and I want my insides to match my outsides! I also want aerobars…and a camelback waterpack…and a road bike with those crazy rims…and a pony…

• Are my tires too thick? What if I get a flat? I wonder if they will let me run my bike across the finish line?

• HOW THE HECK DO YOU STAND UP TO PEDAL?!?! AND REACH DOWN TO DRINK YOUR WATER?! These are things I never bothered to learn. I taught myself how to ride when I was 11, and at that point, the name of the game was basically “learn the bare necessities required just to stay up on the damn thing.” Whales are not meant for bikes. Solution: keep your head down, hope your legs don’t give out, and pretend to be a camel.

3.       General feelings of inadequacy:

• In a nutshell, main objective: DO NOT DIE.

• Did I train enough? I really wish I had gotten out on the open road some more. With my busy schedule and crazy hours, I’ve had to stick almost exclusively to indoor training! I think I feel pretty strong, but what if I get a rude awakening once the wheels start rolling on pavement?

• Individual performance: Can I make it across the finish line in a time with which I will be satisfied? As this is the first time I’ve done anything like this, I am really struggling to set a goal. I have no prior experience, and thus no parameters, with which to set a target time.

• What I do affects my team: my partner’s second leg of the race is contingent on me—I really don’t want to let her down or delay her escape from the gate.

Lots of concerns, but I am also looking forward to a few things. I’m excited to be racing with an Ironwoman! She’s been an awesome mentor during the past two months—challenging me to break into a new sport and out of my comfort zone. I’m also looking forward to just letting it all out. I’ve been training for what seems like forever, so I am curious to see if I can go mach-5 all over this race, and I’m hoping to ride the “spinning high” all you cyclist-junkies talk about.  Also, who doesn’t love a super awesome t-shirt?! Especially when you earn it!

Team Name: Whale, Whale, Whale, What do we have here???

Event: Scenic View Duathlon, Morris, CT

Details: 2 mile run, 10 mile bike, 2 mile run (I’m biking)

Now let’s hope my nerves will subside in order to let me get just a little bit of sleep! Doubtful, but hey—a pessimistic whale can hope!

Wish us luck! Full report will follow!

Come on--how perfect is this?!?!