Dances with Demons

…So this once per week posting is working out well...

If I were a superhero, I would be suPeROCRASTINATOR (get it?). I would be graced with good intentions, the extraordinary ability to arrive on seen just AFTER an emergency, and fly around in the buff because—let’s be honest—I just didn’t get around to making a super sweet costume.

I’ve decided that I need to get away from behemoth postings. I am sure they are hard to get through in a single read, as they are definitely hard to write in a single shot. It’s just that I usually have so much to say! But then my superpowers kick in—I procrastinate writing because I don’t know where to start and/or don’t have the energy to get it all out; then I finally get my rear in gear and bust out a prolific, cacophonic “Ode to My Gymshorts;” then I get exhausted from writing and go into hibernation for weeks.

So I’m going to try something different, and hopefully refreshing and more sustainable—brevity.

Here’s some stuff about my week.

Diet: Did you hear about the attack in Boston last weekend? It was horrible! This Hunger Lion arrived in the city Friday night and, for two whole days, gobbled up every carb in sight without even the slightest bit of remorse or moderation. But don’t you worry, justice prevails! The lion got what was coming to it—one hell of a stomach ache, paired with enough intestinal blockage that not even the strongest of fiber fusillades could weaken its front.

This was me during the attack. And yes, that is a piece of spaghetti. How fitting.

This is me after.

…But I did have a fun weekend! My weight, physical comfort, and morale definitely took a hit, though, and I’m still battling off the consequences my poor decisions. Though I deserved it, this regression is kind of killing my buzz.

Metrics Progress: Due to last weekend’s attack, I was too busy sucking down every crumb in sight to step on a scale to get my readings. Procrastination much? Avoidance much? By the time I remembered, I was too afraid of the damage I did to face up. In all honestly, this has actually bummed me out for most of this week. It’s the first time I missed a data entry since starting this project, and it’s making me feel like I am losing my drive. Mistakes happen, but I don’t like feeling like I slipped up. So, I’ll be logging my numbers tonight, and getting back to you—assuming I am not performing the 5-year-old theatre classic, “If you need me, I’ll be hiding in the corner pretending I didn’t just do a bad thing.” It’s coming to Broadway this summer.

Workouts & Triathlon Training: It’s been a Murder-Mart at the gym this week. I got a new card this past Friday (pre-lion attack…maybe they are correlated) which is absolutely lethal. It is a high cardio-intensity routine that is heavy on upper body and abdominal strength, as I will target most of my lower body through my cycling training. I’m telling you, I have never been this sore. Among other exercises, I do a total of 58 freaking IMPOSSIBLE tricep dips, 60 pushups, 90 variants of lateral raises, 96 pull-ups of alternating form, and 185 squats. I didn’t even know some of my muscles existed until I woke up the following morning hating my life and wishing for death basking in the results of my hard work.

My cycling training is also going well. My cadence and strength is increasing, which means I am able to hit mileage goals in a faster amount of time. Through my increased time on a bike, I have learned that:

1. I LOVE STANDING CLIMBS.  The full-body power and explosiveness I get to exert, combined with the (probably gross to everyone else) sweat that drips off my face, makes me feel like a cycling rock star. Now I just need some groupies…
2. I HATE SEATED CLIMBS. They make me feel like my legs are going to fall off. It burns, I get saddle soreness, and I usually just feel like crying at the end of a long interval. Less rock star-like.
3. Wear longer shorts when cycling. Chaffing hurts and makes you look like you got sunburned in a really awkward area.
4. You shouldn’t overtly stare at other gym-goers while cycling, no matter how bored you are with the scenery. It creeps them out.  Instead, be stealthy and stalker-like.

Once the weather gets a little more spring-like and less pre-apocalyptic, I am looking forward to taking my real bike out of the basement and hitting the pavement. I’m still nervous for the climbs of an actual course, and I think I will feel better once I am actually outside, mobile, and attacking real hills instead of resistance-based, simulated ones. I have also been advised to take a cycling class at the gym to help build with my conditioning and also to have a little rock star fun listening to some good jams whilst pedaling away. The only problem is that, with my work schedule, the only classes I can go to are at 5:45am—thanks a lot adult obligations. Sacrifices, sacrifices.

Other stuff:

• In and among the lion attack, I got my sister hooked on Stitchfix AND Pinterest. Operation: Horrible Influence has commenced.
• I have had a very medical past two weeks:
• I got baseline blood work. I learned I was deficient in Folate and B-12. Maybe this is the reason for my constant exhaustion and peach-like bruising? So I started taking supplements in each, along with a multivitamin. I don’t really feel much difference, though I am holding on to hope that one morning I will wake up and feel like a superhuman version of myself.
• I got an echocardiogram for the first time to help determine why I pass out so much. They didn’t call me back yet with any results. I have decided that this is conclusive evidence that a) I am a robot, after all; or b) this is a certain sign of doom.
• After the brutal introduction to my new card last Friday, I got a tetanus shot. I think I am masochistic to put myself in such situations.
• Le boyfriend and I are headed down to Jersey for Passover with his family tomorrow. I am very excited for family time and delicious ‘noms. However, given the density of matzo, I am also very nervous to see how my intestinal track and scale will respond.
• Consequently, when we get back, I am starting a detox cleanse. It’s not one of those “eat only grapefruit and cayenne pepper only when the sun is at a 45 degree angle in the sky and the wind is blowing north by northwest” kind of cleanses. You eat normally, but take organic, herbal supplements to help clean out your liver, kidneys, and intestines. My trainer originally recommended it to me as a way to help regulate my digestive system. This will be my 5th time doing it. I can’t lie—I am greatly looking forward to feeling more balanced after what will be three weeks of largely misbehaving. This will commence on Tuesday, and I will most likely rave about it in my next post. You have been warned.

That’s it for me, my peoples! Hope you all have great weekends, and happy Passovers if you are celebrating!

The MATHocism & Masochism of the Whale

***Gasps for air*** I’m alive!!!

Contrary to what my radio silence might have indicated, I am still converting oxygen into carbon dioxide, and though my workouts have attempted otherwise, my heart is still beating—nice try, workouts.

It’s been a very busy past couple of weeks! With a general schedule of work, gym, putting food in my face, rinse, repeat (and sometimes I don’t even get to the “rinsing” part—full disclosure), it has been hard to make it to the keyboard when making it to my bed for some zzz’s has become such a necessity. Needless to say, I have reached a peak level of fatigue.

But today I got 10 hours of sleep, so here I am, back in the saddle, with a couple exciting things to report! But first, I owe you all some data (“some” being 3 weeks’ worth—oops). Here we go:

As of 2/15/13:

Percent body fat:   27.5%

Total percent body water:   51.3%

Percent muscle mass:   36.4%

Bone mass:   4.4 lbs

As of 2/22/13:

Percent body fat:   27.2%

Total percent body water:   51.3%

Percent muscle mass:   37.1%

Bone mass:   4.6 lbs

As of 3/1/13:

Percent body fat:   27.3%

Total percent body water:   51.6%

Percent muscle mass:   36.3%

Bone mass:   4.4 lbs

To make this more visually stunning, let me show you my graphing skills. Let the MATHocism begin:

As you can see, there are some interesting things are going on here. Let’s address them one by one (or skip to the bottom for the Sparknotes version):

Weight:

From the beginning of my little adventure, I have advocated that my weight would be of less importance to be than my overall fat loss. I still maintain that—which is why I have not numerated the y-axis (HA HA!). I really just wanted you all to see that nearly every peak is on a weekend, where my Hunger Lion makes an appearance to ravage the town’s restaurants despite some yo-yo values, I am on a downward trend in that department…for now.

We know that muscle weighs more than fat. So, it stands to reason that a muscular person could weigh more than a person with a higher percentage of body fat. Thus, I am anticipating a point where my weight levels out (or even increases), while my % muscle mass continues to increase and my % body fat continues a downward trend. I hope this happens, because it would really hammer home my point that weight is just a number—and though it is an indication of overall health and fitness, considering one’s overall body fat percentage and muscle mass are just as important.

Percent Body Fat: 

Overall downward trend. SCORE! I was definitely expecting faster results and bigger decreases in my body fat values as the weeks progressed, but I have to remember that I am chiseling away at my body to change, not beating it into submission with a hammer (though it does feel that way sometimes after a brutal workout).

Percent Muscle Mass: 

This is a wonky graph, and speaks to the confusion I have addressed in previous posts—HOW CAN MY MUSCLE MASS VARY THIS MUCH? I mean, look at it! It’s a rollercoaster. But at least it’s a rollercoaster that is on an upward trend... I’m chalking this one up to technological error—maybe my scale was having some lazy, “yeah it’s about this much” kind of days? In all seriousness, the scale is an imperfect measuring device, and can be affected by a variety of variables. I’m willing to bet that the variation in muscle mass has something to do with my percent total body water, since muscle contains water. Maybe on lower hydration days, the scale returned lower muscle mass? That’s actually probably something I should graph…

So, this is probably pretty confusing to many of you—as it was to me until le boyfriend, aka Excel Graphing Wiz, explained what I was looking at. We graphed the week to week change of my body metrics and weight to see where the scale was going wrong. Based on this data, here’s a guess: basically, what I would have assumed to see what that when my change in % Total Body Water was up, as would be my % Muscle Mass change—since muscle contains water. Instead, the overall trend is that when my % Water was up, my % Muscle was down. So, what super smart boyfriend  “we” think is that my scale interprets some of my muscle mass as actual body water, causing the crazy variation both in this graph and in the one only graphing my overall % Muscle Mass (above). We think it’s safe to say that—stupid as it sounds—as long as the overall % Muscle Mass trend is positive, I am gaining muscle.

Percent Total Body Water:  

Overall positive trend—which makes sense since I am not only cranking up my daily hydration, but also experiencing overall muscle mass gain.

Bone Mass:

No real need to graph this. I am varying between 4.4 lbs and 4.6 lbs, though I do wonder what is causing this swing. I’ll need to do some more research on this if the fluctuation continues.

Holy Data! Do your eyes and brain hurt yet? Don’t you wish I wouldn’t take a three week hiatus and come back with all this gusto?!?!

Me too.

Sparknotes summary: I’m making progress. The fat’s coming down, the muscle’s coming up, and I’m more than half water!

Now let me tell you some crazy things that happened this week that have very little to do with math or graphs, but have a lot to do with masochism.

1. I am experiencing a bit of a weird cardio funk. Usually I can knock off 600-700 calories in 60 minutes during my cardio days. Within the past two weeks, though, I’ve been hauling booty and only clocking in around 550 in 60 minutes. I think this is because I’ve mastered my current routine of heavy incline walking, usually followed by some spinning. Ergo, I have decided to change it up, largely because…
2. I AM GOING TO BE PARTICIPATING IN A SPRINT TRIATHLON. Yeah. I know. That’s not even the most masochistic part—which is that my teammate is an Ironwoman. No joke. I’ll be part of a dynamic duo (team name TBD, but I assure you it will be awesome) with an experienced triathlete, friend, coworker, and blogger (whose blog is hysterical and you should all read HERE). We’ll be participating in the HV Triathlon in the middle of May, and I’ll be holding down the cycling portion of the event—a 9.5 mile ride—while my partner in crime swims and runs the other legs (thank goodness). Now, I’ve always wanted to participate in some sort of competitive race, and since the distance is very achievable, I think it will be a fun, educational way to cut my teeth. Needless to say though, this is going to change the way I train—and hopefully give me the boot off the cardio-plateau I’ve hit. I’ve already asked my trainer to come up with a high-intensity, stamina and strength building card to help me prepare. I’ll start that in two weeks. In the meantime, my tri-buddy is making me up a cycling/biking training workout to get in race-ready condition. I’ve got 2.5 months to prepare, and because I’m a hyper-competitive Neanderthal me, I don’t just want to DO it, I want to CRUSH it. Bring on the burn and sweat!
3. I worked out with my trainer on Friday, we focused on CrossFit training for the first time. I was flinging 45lb tires into the air, and flipping 115lb ones down the turf. I felt so epic, and like those guys on the Planet Fitness commercials (“I pick things up and put them down”)—which further solidifies that I am a Neanderthal at heart.
4. Le boyfriend and I went to Costco yesterday and loaded up on protein. We have 20 meals worth of chicken, beef, fish, and turkey perfectly labeled and organized in the freezer to satisfy our Paleo tummies. I enjoyed a major case of euphoria as a result.
5. Yesterday marked the fourth straight week of going to the gym 6 days/week. What’s great is that it isn’t even a hassle anymore—it’s just a part of my routine. But I am betting this has a lot to do with my overall daily exhaustion. Hmm.
6. I really like painting my nails—it’s a good way for me to take 10 minutes to just focus on something little, that’s just for me. But because I’m such a perfectionist and slightly OCD, I usually end up taking them off 2 minutes after finishing because I did something to smudge just one of them. WELL, the polish I put on Thursday is still on AND unchipped on all ten fingers. This is a major accomplishment, people.

Lastly, what would a good Whale post be without some goals for this week?

• Increase water consumption. I usually hover at about 5-6 glasses (not including water consumed during workouts). I’d like to get to at least 8.
• Increase fiber intake. For a largely Paleo person, I’ve been slacking on the fruits and veggies lately because I’m simply unprepared. Lame. Now that I have the protein on lock, it's time to step up with the things that grow on the ground.
• Cycling/biking training like a maniac. I already managed to bust out 12.8 miles in 36 minutes yesterday, but my legs are like Jello today as a result. I’m excited to continue, and I want to build as big of a foundation for this Tri as possible.

Alright, I think it’s time to bring it home.  Thanks for reading this colossal post! I hope your Sunday and week ahead make you feel like this: