Pounding...Plastic?

I would like you all to know that I have a tumor growing on me as I write this.

Meet Mr. Tigs.

I’ve booted him off of me three times already, but he keeps coming back. I think he secretly knows how to read and is judging my prose as it is written. Surgery may be required to remove him.

Anyway.

So, I’m learning to run. It’s going pretty well considering my previously pontificated disdain for the sport. As you may or may not know, I’ve been following a running plan to teach myself how to straight up run (without chasing anything/anyone—crazy talk!).  Even though I’ve been at it for three weeks, I am still only on the second week’s plan. Reason being, I spent two weeks following the “Week One” plan because I really wanted to make sure I was comfortable at the baseline level before progressing up.

But, last week I bumped myself up to the Week 2 plan, which consists of:

3 minute Warm up
Run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute
Repeat 7 times (28 minutes total)
3 minute Cool down

I’m learning a lot through this undertaking. Here’s some stuff I’ve noted as necessary/interesting to know about running:

#1.          NEVER EVER EVER wear shorts while running if you have meaty thighs. You will spend more than half of your treadmill time doing what could be considered a failed attempt at a mating dance to some species of birds adjusting yourself/preventing chafing and wedgies. Which leads me to…

#2.          AW(B I)UW—Always wear (built in) underwear. I would hate to keep confusing birds with my sneaky dance. Sorry birds—I know I’m a catch, but it’ll never work out. But seriously, it’s so hard to hide your “wardrobe malfunctions” from a gym full of people. Solution (if, unlike me, you have some degree of dignity): compression capris!

#3.          Your shoes will make or break you. Until now, I have been an ASIAC shoe kid all the way. For the type of training I was doing, the shoe seemed to be built for feet like mine.  I guess running is different, because about halfway through my running workouts, I develop a sharp pain in both arches of my feet. I’m convinced this is from an ill-fit of my kicks, so I am planning a trip to a running store to be assessed, measured, and fitted in a new shoe.

#4.          Running at a 1% incline helps your foot land correctly. Without an incline, my feet tend to hit the treadmill heel-first because I am secretly a troll. This slight bump up of incline helps my toe land first, then rock to my heels as I stride.  Much more comfortable over distances.

#5.          Form over pace. I’ve noticed that I am a slow turkey on the treadmill. A comfortable pace for me is around 5.3mph. Any faster than that, and I lose my form and my breathing. And then it all starts falling apart. So I stick to what is comfortable and sustainable. My runner friends say I’ll get faster as my muscles develop, but I’m skeptical. I’ve always been a slow-twitch muscle gal…

#6.          That uncomfortable running side-stitch goes away after about a week. Thank the stars!

#7.          DON’T STARE AT YOUR GYM COMRADES, no matter what kind of weird crap they are doing or how bad their form is. Or at least learn to hide it. Above ALL, do not get caught gawking when executing your rescue mission on your gym shorts. I haven’t learned my lesson from all that bike training…

As you can see, I am on a steep learning curve with this whole running business. So far, the hardest part has been keeping myself mentally engaged/occupied while on the treadmill. A lot of my runner friends have suggested that I get outside for my runs, as the change in scenery and terrain makes for a more interesting workout. I would love to try that soon, when it FINALLY stops raining around here!

The good news is that over the course of three weeks, I can feel my body strengthening in new areas and my confidence increasing. It’s motivating me to keep going. Additionally, my trainer developed a CrossFit-based card for me to further confuse my muscles and build power and strength. For the first time in a long time, I’m sore in my hip flexors, calves, and quads thanks to this new training combo—and I’m loving it. It’s actually refreshing to hit new muscle groups, no matter how much I whine when I stiffen up afterward.

Overall, I’m averaging about 2.5 miles in the Week 2 plan—about a .25 mile increase from Week 1’s plan. I’m relatively satisfied with this, but I will be interested to see if I can pick my speed up as my body continues to adapt to the mechanics and muscular demands of running.  For now, I’ll probably stick to the Week 2 plan for another week before bumping it up another notch.

In other completely unrelated news, I recently encountered my arch nemesis:

The world's most difficult jar to open.

I did everything imaginableto open up this sucker. NOTHING was working. So I had to do something humiliating—make a rescue phone call to Bubbie for backup. He got it on the first try. I locked myself in my room.

Here’s to a great week, my peoples!